marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
