Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
