He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
