OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
