Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize