I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize