he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pooping to opera.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
