you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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