yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You may now shotgun with the bride
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
