I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
