shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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