end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
