I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
