I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So many bounce houses so little time
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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