He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize