I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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