My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
