I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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