Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
