So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
