My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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