Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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