I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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