he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So apparently I’m into choking now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
