tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
