My hand turned me down
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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