just come out here and I will go home with you...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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