Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
