why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
