We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
