your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
