my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
