Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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