I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
