Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
