i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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