Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
