If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
