just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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