he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
