I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize