I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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