Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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