Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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