i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
