Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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