So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
