all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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