dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
