Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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