I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A+ Viking dick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
