yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
