I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
