and you said cock pushups were impossible
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
