i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
