Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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