he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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