Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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