will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
