who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
