My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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