It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i love accidental penises.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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