just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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