That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
