I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
