you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
