I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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