dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
