the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
