physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
