I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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