Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
