I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
