Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
