Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
