According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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