TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
