OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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