bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
